Warriors in the Chamomile

I was sitting in the kitchen drinking a cup of tea when a sad memory came bubbling to the surface. It was after a day of caring for my granddaughter who was trying me in all the ways her little toddler self can.

I remember the distinct feeling of being a burden to my caretakers — whether it was my grandparents, my tios and tias or Alice the babysitter. Me, my little brother and sister were part-time latchkey kids, raised by a single mother — of course we were in the care of others while she worked 9-5. I remember the feeling of just wanting to be with her, wanting her to take us to the park, wanting her to be rested and smiling at us.

I don’t believe our caretakers ever meant to cause harm, I know we were loved and cared for. But this highlighted for me all the ways women are not supported as mothers and caretakers by patriarchal systems and by their under-functioning partners/husbands/fathers.

All the women in my life — my mother, my grandmothers, my tias — they were all overwhelmed at the amount of caretaking and emotional labor being demanded of them. Some just hid it better than others. The weight and tension of not being lovingly cared for and supported is so so heavy. Add caring for other people’s children to the mix — this is how children are harmed and get caught in abandonment and low self-worth cycles.

I know because I was in one for many years.

But let’s talk about the divine masculine. Calling them “under-functioning” is me holding space but I’ve come to innerstand I cannot hold space for everyone, especially those who repeatedly cause harm unapologetically.

Some of these men spend their whole lives chasing after women

queerphobic and transphobic

draining your resources and never reciprocating

stingy with money and a gentle touch

neglecting their children

unstable in all their ways

untrustworthy

self-medicating or drunk

content to let their own mama raise their babies

quick to anger + threaten

never accountable

never humble

refusing to seek mental health support

I know the divine masculine has the capacity to be loving and gentle and supporting and if that’s you kind, go on and be blessed. But too many of us have been on the other side of that reality for it to be just some random shit I choose to write about.

When you look at Warriors in the Chamomile, I hope you catch what I’m putting into the Universe. Wombmen, sisters, comadres, femmes, warriors, homegirls — soft and beautiful and lush standing amongst the chamomile flowers.

-the Mother Plant

gentle

relaxing

she helps calm our stressed nervous system~

But do not overlook

their machetes in hand

at the ready.  

art offering: buy Warriors in the Chamomile